In the Air

I think I am at yet another point of self-REdiscovery. I feel like every two years I become a new person. I was just watching a movie called "Waking Life" (which i will talk about in my next post) where this woman mentioned that ur cells regenerate every 7 years so you can't stay the "same" person for too long. The possibility that, in theory, mines may regenerate every two years brings about alot of thoughts that I have no desire to confront BUT the 7 year theory does make the shift that I often feel seem very real.

The shift comes like this: I have a period of chaos; mentally, emotionally and physically. Everything is everywhere and i am VERY aware of it. But my mind can not get clear enough to fix it. Then I have a period that feels like another puberty. I am aware of who I WAS, I know what I want and do not want, but I have no idea of who I am becoming. But I am very aware that I am in fact BEcoming.

Then there is acceptance. I am what I am. It is what it is. I have no room to be afraid because I understand that it will not resolve anything. So I am open to the possibilities. I soak. I breathe. I am still. I am observant. I understand. Then there is the grown-up phase. i AM. I ooze confidence. I am not concerned about what does not concern me. I know all there is to know about the periods/phases so I walk around with life on a string.

Then chaos.

Thats what every two years have been like since I was like 10. I have grown to accept it. And at times, I welcome it. But I am beginning to wonder when I can settle in the comfort of ME. How can I expound on all that is me, if I am always evolving?

Neways, i feel it coming. I hope it is gentle with me. (apart of me disagrees with that last statement.)